Lessons from my father 8 | Fola Daniel Adelesi, ASM, ACL, WCC

Not too many people can boast about desiring the kind of marriage their parents have. Worse still, only an insignificant number can boast about their fathers as their model husbands. A lot of young people that I have interacted with will say they do not want to be the kind of husband that their fathers are but the story is a different one with mine so I can say there’s another lesson to learn. Role modeling is a responsibility for every father but only a few men live their lives with this understanding. That explains why a lot of people do not know what to do because there is no home front modeling for them in any situation.

In about 22 years I will confidently tell you that I have never heard my father arguing with my mother. I am not aware of any situation where anyone wrote a letter to him or someone called him to say, ‘you know you have to take it easy. She a woman and women are like that. You just have to bear it and be calm. You are the man.’ There was no time my father ever walked around the house running down my mum with words or giving an impressions that she is a misfit or trying to make her look inferior while boosting personal ego.

From the part of domestication, my father was as good as any female expert visiting the market from time to time. He would never be caught unaware with the prices of food stuff not because he thinks he would be cheated but it was a way of running a home for him. The kitchen should not be left entirely to the woman as far as he is concerned so he would sit there with my mum for hours, if not almost cooking the food himself.

From time to time they talked. They talked about us, my sister and I, they talked about their jobs and talked about their projects. When there was no serious talk they would crack jokes and call themselves by pet names. While this was the experience for me in the house, I had some other young people who clearly stated that they can’t go home because of clashes between their parents. I could not imagine how bad it was for a young child who has not made decisions about marriage crying that he cannot go home because of the misunderstanding between his parents. At some points, some of them were confused about which parent to go to for vacation because they had parents who had separated. Sometimes you could tell which child in school had parents who were separated because people like that had different parents visiting them during the visiting hours and one thing we noticed quickly was that this parents never came together for a visit.

I am not saying my parents never had issues but it is clear that whatever issue they had was handled maturely and it never affected the children. There was never a discussion that became louder than the walls of their room could suppress. He was the kind of husband you would be glad you dropped your father’s name for but he was still very firm with the decisions regarding manning the house so I look forward to a happier and more romantic home!

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