One of the most important lessons I have learnt in life is to know that sometimes, others will come first. I think marriage makes it more than sometimes. If you really want to have a good marriage you will have to swallow a hard pill that will slow down all your ambitious hormones. All those hormones that always want you to be the first in everything will have to take the back seat if not, you will be out of the marriage in a very short time.
You will come to realize that it might be a hard thing to do. There are things you want for yourself but whatever it is that you want will begin to come after the needs of others have been met. I was once on a panel discussing marriage at a public gathering. I had to admit that one of the greatest lessons marriage has taught me is to put my spouse first. When you make money, you think about how much you are bringing home first. When you go out, you think about returning in good time. When you are buying anything, you buy for others and then buy yours.
When I earn some money it is not the new things that I want that I go for. I can’t start thinking about the new devices or mobile phones in town. I may have plans to go after a new electronic device but all these must wait until the family is satisfied. I remember there was a time I could not even think about buying a new shirt for myself even though my job requires investing something good in my appearance.
You may get some money and it might be time to change your car. Just while you are still thinking about what car to go for, it dawns on you that you wife has been looking for money to start a business or to expand what she has! At that point you just know that the car has to wait. Wives are also constantly faced with the tough decision to give up personal pleasure in order to support their husbands. When the kids start coming, you also start thinking about giving up vacations just for the kids to get good education or some other things.
Let’s just say that this is a reminder for those who are already married and a serious lesson for those who are not and are planning to go into it soon. Selfishness is a third party that will not allow any marriage last. It will always show up at any given opportunity and it is very important to know all the forms it might take or all the tactics it can engage.
When you get home as a wife or mother, you may feel like resting but then you realize your husband needs attention and the kids also want something. It may look like you don’t even have any time to yourself when you are with your family. It may also look like you cannot control your resources the way you want to but you really need to have it that way to keep the family going.
Instead of thinking about putting others first in your time and other resources as something that drains you, think about it as an investment. When you think about it as an investment then you will be encouraged to do it again. There are times you will need your spouse to be there for you or to do something for you. It just might be easier for them to do it because they know you are always there for them as well. This is really not about giving so you can take back. But you still can’t get anything from loved ones as well if you have not in anyway put them first.
I believe that you want to have a happy home. Remember that if you are going to have a happy home home, you will have to put others first. There are sacrifices to be made by both parties to make things work and to keep them sweet. In marriage, others come first!
Fola Daniel Adelesi
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