That other spouse | © Fola Daniel Adelesi

There are too many people out there who think that the problem in their relationship is from their spouse. They keep looking that their part and not seeing any part of the problem as something coming from them. Worse still, they think that if they leave the person they are dating or even married to right now, they can get a better person to date and eventually marry. Do you think that the problem is just with your present spouse? What do you know about that other spouse?
A few years ago, before I got married, I thought so many times about this issue in my relationship and I can tell you that it changed my approach in handling issues. Rather than thinking about rushing out of one relationship to start another one with another person, I always want to ask if the issue is with me or the other person in the relationship. Even when the issue is with the other person in the relationship, is there something I can do to help or what’s the guarantee that the other person in the relationship that I am imagining will not act like the one in this present relationship?
So many have broken their relationships and also broken their homes for no just cause. They thought the other lady would be better. Some thought the other man would do a lot better. When they head out of one without thinking through, they meet a brick wall and then conclude that the other person is just the same or even worse compared to the one they are running from.
As they always say, the pasture looks greener on the other side. It is not necessarily a greener pasture. It only looks greener. The other person you are thinking about looks better than your present wife or husband. That’s why you think that taking a switch will be the solution. You think that dumping your present boyfriend or girlfriend for the other person will be the solution.
Let me remind you that you don’t know that other ‘proposed’ spouse as much as you imagined in your head. Some of them are not as good as you thought about. They may also be better in one way but have a worse problem that you also need to deal with in another way. You may also find out that when you leave the one you know for the other one you thought would be better, you are just getting into more trouble.
Sometimes, there is nothing wrong with your spouse. Maybe the two of you just need to sit down and talk. Or maybe one of you is talking too much about something and you need to slow down. At other times, it may be that you are getting what you are getting because you do not appreciate your spouse well enough. I think the case might just be that you have something you don’t appreciate and it might be gone before you know the value.
There was something that brought the two of you together and whatever it was can still be used to rekindle your relationship. Have a rethink. Remember how and why you got started in the first place. Then talk about where you both set out to go in life. Once you can make that your focus, the less important thing will not become the focus.
Rather than looking out for a better person, you and your spouse and work hard at making each other better people! Think hard and think through. Do you really want another spouse or you would rather help your spouse become a better spouse and your spouse also helps you become a better person?

Fola Daniel Adelesi
President/CEO,
Edible Pen.
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